THE QUEST FOR CONFIDENCE - PART #1

Everyone wants to feel confident. When I analyzed the Success Formula submissions from P.S. readers, I found out that self- confidence was one of the most sought after benefits of those pursuing self-defense training.

A recent entry into the Protective Strategies Forum echoes that sentiment. Here's what it said.

"I've been training in a number of different fighting arts for about 4 years now, but I find that I still feel afraid and am not confident that I can defend myself. As I mentioned to you before, I would like to teach a course in basic self-defense, but I feel that I have to be confident in my ability to defend myself first. How can I gain this confidence, short of going out and getting into a fight." Xavier Phillips (printed with permission)

It is said that a question, well asked, is half the answer. I commend Xavier for having the courage and self-awareness to be asking this question and seeking it's answer. I've decided to dedicate this article to Xavier's question and the subject of confidence.

This is the first of two parts. In Part #1 I'll provide you with a foundation of what confidence is and how it relates to self-defense training.

In Part #2 I'll get into the specific methods and attitudes that you can incorporate into your self-defense training sessions that will have a positive impact on your confidence. Let's get started...

I define confidence as the degree of certainty in your ability to successfully achieve your goals AND the resiliency to withstand the challenges along the way.

In self-defense, confidence is the degree of trust that you have in your "LEGITIMATE" ability to successfully deal with and WIN a threatening or confrontational situation. But it's more than that...

Everyone craves confidence. Few of us have enough of it. Some of us have more than we should! It is important to understand that the need for security and safety is a deeply rooted human motivator (according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs).

When left unsatisfied that need becomes a nagging, subconscious deficiency that can compromise the quality of your life and even your health. Many psychologists consider the fear of interpersonal violence a "Universal Human Phobia."

Self-defense training, if conducted properly, can satisfy our need for security and provide us with a perception of control in our lives.

For the purpose of this article I use the terms confidence and self-confidence interchangably. However, Self-confidence (confidence in yourself) would be the more accurate of the two.

It's almost a cliché that self-defense and martial arts training will naturally and automatically lead to increased self- confidence. The bad news is that it doesn't necessarily happen by default.

I know many people who have sought out self-defense training (perhaps driven by their perceived lack of confidence) and it failed to turn them into confident, self-assured people. Even years of training, if it's done haphazardly, inconsistently or with the wrong attitude, will do little for your sense of confidence. In some cases it may even reduce it!

The good news is that, if you train consistently and intelligently, you can make a dramatic, positive impact on your level of self-confidence. That confidence can in fact "spill over" into other aspects of your personality and make you more effective in areas other than defending yourself.

I write this article in the hopes that you will fall into the "Good News" category. In Part #1 of this 2-part article, I'll provide you with my slant on why self-defense training can and does improve one's level of self-confidence.

Don't let the simplicity of my message fool you. It's based on almost 30 years of training, teaching and research. It is also gleaned from the privilege and opportunity to have trained 1000's of people in various aspects of self-defense. It is consistent with the psychology of self-esteem and confidence. Give it a try and judge for yourself.

Before plunging forth into the nuts and bolts of confidence building, let's take a look at the broader quality of "SELF- ESTEEM." Your self-esteem has a huge impact on your self- confidence, your personality and the results you produce in your life.

In his excellent book, "The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem," psychologist and self-esteem authority Nathaniel Branden defines self-esteem as follows:

"Self-esteem has two interrelated components. One is a basic confidence in the face of life's challenges: self-efficacy. The other is a sense of being worthy of happiness: self-respect. Self-efficacy means confidence in the function of the mind, in my ability to think, understand, learn, chose and make decisions; confidence in my ability to understand the facts of reality that fall within the sphere of my interests and needs; self-trust and self-reliance." Nathaniel Branden The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem Page 26

Please read that again! Is it any wonder why people have been able to make a significant, positive impact on self-esteem and confidence through self-defense training? Let's take a closer look at why...

Branden's definition of self-esteem is an excellent tool to understand why self-defense training can make such a positive impact on a person's emotional and psychological state. Let's apply that definition to self-defense training:

Self-Efficacy

Evolution has wired us to detect and respond to threatening situations. In the days of cavemen and dinosaurs, that was a good thing. However, in modern times, that wiring can backfire when we generate fear, anxiety and stress in response to situations that are not physically dangerous or threatening. This can create symptoms and perceptions that compromise our self-confidence.

Proper self-defense training develops the knowledge, skill and willingness to resolve legitimate threats to our personal safety. You begin to satisfy your need for security and gain a sense of control over the events in your life. You become more capable of discriminating between REAL threats and the "pain-in-the-ass" variety that can suck so much enjoyment out of life.

Setting and achieving self-defense goals provides you with a process that can be applied to anything else you want to accomplish. It builds a general sense of competence which leads to a general sense of confidence.

Self-Respect

When you engage in self-defense training, what messages do you think are conveyed to your conscious and unconscious mind? What are you saying to yourself when you decide to dedicate time and energy to your health, your competence and your protection? When you are prepared to stand up for yourself, assert your rights and even injure your assailant to protect yourself, what does that say about your value and importance?

Keep in mind too that intelligent self-defense training is vigorous enough to strengthen and tone your muscles, burn up excess body fat and generate positive hormonal responses that make a significant impact on the way you feel about yourself. Need I say more?

Hopefully I've whetted your appetite for a "Confidence Building Battle Plan." My research and experience tells me one of the most significant benefits that people hope to achieve through the study of self-defense and martial arts is improved confidence. I hope I've motivated you to give my advice a good hard look.

In the next and final part of this article I will provide you with the basic structure of how you can conduct your self-defense training with a specific focus on confidence building. The good news is that that same advice will also make you a better, fitter and more proficient fighter too! Until then...

Take care, train smart and stay safe,

Randy LaHaie
Protective Strategies

Randy LaHaie is the president of Protective Strategies and has been teaching reality-based self-defense for over 30 years. He is the author of several "Toughen Up Combative Training Guides" (www.ToughenUp.com) Subscribe to his Free Self-Defense Newsletter at www.ProtectiveStrategies.com

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Copyright © 2006 by Randy LaHaie. All rights reserved.