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Beer, Brawling and
Brotherly Love

When you think of a "Self-Defense Situation" what do you see in your mind's eye? Who is your assailant? How much danger are you in? How aggressive do you anticipate your response is likely to be?

Is it time to pull out the stoppers and tie into this A-hole with all the martial vigor you can muster?

Are you going to go for the eyes, the groin or the jugular? Is it time to "thump and dump," or "stun till your done?"

Is it time to reduce your adversary into a crumpled mass of "goo" on the sidewalk? After having taught your attacker a lesson he's not soon to forget, is it then a simple matter of putting the encounter behind you and getting on with your life?.. Oh if life were so simple!

Well, how about if that bad guy isn't a bad guy at all... What if it's a buddy, a relative or an otherwise decent person who's having a bad day?

What if the offending behavior is from the effects of booze, drugs, or a medical condition? What if the emotional overload of life's bullshit has temporarily short circuited common sense and turned him or her into an aggressive, volatile and unpleasant problem?

Thats the gist of an email that I received from a subscriber who, after reading my last newsletter, contacted me for a "de-brief" of a situation that happened to him. I asked him if I could share it with you. It puts a bit of a different spin on our "typical" thoughts about fighting, aggression and self-defense.

The email is timely, since I'm to be working on an eBook based on Self-Defense Response Strategies. I thought that this discussion might put a different twist on deciding what to do in a volatile or aggressive situation...

I'm sure you'll agree after reading this article that situations like this aren't what come to mind as a "typical" self-defense scenario... But the chances of encountering a similar predicament is probably as likely, if not more so, than an incident involving a total stranger. Will you know what to do if it happens to you?

To protect the writer's privacy I'll call him.... Oh I don't know... how about "Joe?" (That guy sure seems to get himself in a lot of trouble, doesn't he? ;-) Here's what was said during our discussion:

Hi Randy, I just read your most recent newsletter. The part that caught my eye was the individual who wrote in asking whether or not he made the right decision in his robbery situation. I was wondering if you could provide me with some feedback on a situation I encountered a little while ago. I was on vacation in Cuba with some loved ones at a beautiful resort with great beaches and free booze. My brother took full advantage of the complimentary refreshments, and then some. I met up with him after dinner and found him half in the bag, as they say. I ordered a few myself, and we had an enjoyable evening, until my (now extremely clumsy) brother broke a borrowed cigarette lighter. The English gentleman who had lent it to him had been quite offended by his carefree, obnoxious behavior, and hoped for a word outside the bar where we were at the time. I recognized that "words outside a bar" often didn't involve much talking, so I went outside with the two of them to try to defuse the situation, and not spoil a vacation with broken noses and the like. My attention was drawn away by the bartender who was on the phone. I assumed he was calling security, so I went back into the bar to try to persuade him not to, that this could be settled without John Law involved. While I was back inside, it came to blows between my brother and the other man. I rushed outside and pulled the stranger's right arm behind him, sort of a half nelson, to keep him from throwing more punches. Someone else restrained my brother. So that ended that confrontation, and the stranger was satisfied, and moved along to his own business. However, my brother was not satisfied with the result of the bout, and became very aggressive and angry. Security had now arrived, and I explained to them that the problems were over, and that I would take my brother back to his room, and that our night was done. My brother had other ideas, and become violent towards me. He was clearly in a dissociative or dillusional state, as he referred to me as Josh, when he knew very well my name is Joe... So my attempts to lead him casually to the hotel room resulted in a scrap of sorts. My intentions were not to beat him unconscious and carry him back to his room, but to establish control over his body, and convince him he had no choice in the matter. This goal required a good hour of wrestling on concrete in front of quite the audience, and a fair bit of blood loss on my brother's part. I found that in order to keep the advantage in a ground fight over a larger individual, I had to resort to head-butts, and shocking/unexpected moves. At the end of his energy, he gave up the fight, and attempted to save some dignity, and walked off of his own free will. Security escorted him off the resort, and let him wander into the Cuban wilderness, still pretty drunk! I didn't know what to do at this point. He was intoxicated, unaware of who people were around him, and didn't speak the local language. He was also telling me where to go, and not in the polite sense. So I wished him luck and let him wander. He came back the next day, and didn't remember the evening before. I'm curious as to whether or not head/arm/leg/body locks were the best way to convince an enraged drunk that he was in a powerless situation. He seemed to fight harder when he had less control. Is there really anything you can do to/for such a person to help them see the reality of the situation? I feel justified that the two of us getting into a combative situation was better than him fighting with foreign peace officers. Considering he was about 40 lbs. heavier, and a few inches taller, I didn't want to box with him, as he's had experience with it, and I haven't. I assumed it would result in more injury to myself. I was confident in grappling on the ground to wear him out, as I'm fairly quick, and hard to keep a hold of. What do you think would've been the ideal result from a situation like that? Best regards, Joe

Hi Joe, Thanks for writing... The first words of wisdom that come to mind are, "Isn't alcohol wonderful?" And I guess these all inclusive "drink till you fall down" arrangements don't help matters either huh? I'm sure your brother is normally a great guy, but unfortunately that "Instant Ass-hole Syndrome" (just add alcohol) bites us in the ass every once in a while don't it? It sounds like your brother is lucky that you were there with him... I hope he has since offered an apology or expressed his appreciation. Had you not intervened I'm sure it could have been a lot worse. And I have to agree with you that, scuffling with you was probably a whole lot better than spending some time in the Cuban Clink! (or worse) I have trained cops, law enforcement and security for decades and much of this training involves dealing with unruly people who are under the influence of "something." (be it drugs, alcohol, or emotional instability) Unfortunately there are no "easy slick tricks" to physically control an intoxicated person who doesn't want to be controlled. Your first option in such situations is to attempt to de-escalate the situation by calming the person and gaining his cooperation. (easier said than done right?) Sometimes we can use "tactical communication." There is a systematic communication strategy that I use for my law enforcement and security training. Its called the "Refusal Approach" and is done when you are trying to get someone to do something that they don't initially want to. Step 1 - Ask Tell the person what you'd like them to do. This seldom works in "hot encounters", especially with an intoxicated or upset individual... if it doesn't... go to the next step. Step 2 - Explain Explain the reasons behind your request. People who research this stuff claim that out of 10 people who initially refuse to cooperate, 8 of them will change their mind if you provide them with a reason behind your request. But if it doesn't... Step 3 - Present Consequences People are motivated to seek gain and avoid pain. Of the two, avoiding pain or loss is a more consistent motivator. The most powerful motivator of human behavior is to spell out "Whats In It For Me?" Tell the person what the consequences will be if he continues his present behavior... There are four common ones: money (being fined or charged for damages), time (going to jail, or being held in custody), family (who's going to look after your loved ones if you are taken out of the picture?) or reputation (embarrassment, negative impression, what others might think of your behavior) (a fifth bonus motivator: is not getting your ass kicked!... People seldom pick fights that they think they will lose. The are likely to back off if they get the sense they are writing a check with their mouth that their body can't cash!) Step 4 - Confirm If that doesn't work, you want to make one last effort to figure out how to convince the person to cooperate... Maybe there's something you're missing. Something, that you overlooked or don't know about that might convince the person to reconsider his behavior. I teach a prepared line (since we aren't very creative or eloquent in the heat of the moment) It goes like this: "Is there anything I can say or do to get you to cooperate, I'd like to think that there is." Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. But if you do have the chance to attempt this tactic AND the situation turns physical anyway, it will be easier to justify your actions. Step 5 - Act This appears to be the stage that you and your Bro got to pretty quickly. You were right... you probably needed to restrain your brother and intervene before things got totally out of control. You took your chances by doing so, but... hey, isn't that what brothers are for? ;-) OK... Now the physical end of things... Your brother is intoxicated, perhaps belligerent, uncooperative and borderline violent right? Contrary to what people believe there are few slick martial arts tricks that will allow you to easily and reliably maintain control over a vigorously resisting person. Joint Locks There are a few neat joint locks, (a friend of mine wrote an excellent book on wristlocks that could provide you with options in these types of situations. If you're interested in getting your hands on a copy click here Joint locks inolve manipulating the joints of the body, such as the wrist, elbow and shoulder, into hyper extended or hyper-flexed positions. They can be used to control an opponent through pain and leverage. However, pain is an unpredictable control principle in subduing and controlling emotional unstable and intoxicated people. Pins and Hold-Downs You could try to pin the person on the ground until they deplete their energy reserves and calm down... That MAY get the job done... But its a short term solution... Thats why cops and security guards carry handcuffs. This involves using your strengh and body weight to pin your opponent to the ground. Grappling arts such as Brazilian Jujitsu deal extensively with these types of tactics. Nerve Motor Point Strikes Often you need to strike an individual... But remember this person is not a "bad guy." He's just a good person who's had too many frosty fermented beverages... Pounding the shit out of him and inflicting serious injuries isn't the best solution to the problem. You probably didn't want to send your brother home from his dream vacation with a busted jaw... or end up with one yourself. I'm just guessing... "Nerve motor point" strikes are a safe alternative to dealing with vigorous scuffles and are viable options in a highly resistive encounter. It involves directing strikes to the large muscles of the body where there is a high concentration of "effector nerves" located. Hard strikes to these targets, will create an intense, but temporary, "Charley Horse" or muscle cramp that may take the fight out of the situation. A hard knee strike to the outside of the thigh is one example. (much safer and more "politically correct" than the head butt to the face, don't you think? ;-) By the sounds of it Joe... you did what a brother should do and even though the situation was not resolved without some physical "wear and tear," your brother could have gotten himself in very deep "cack" if he was allowed to continue on his rampage and you didn't intervene. The bottom line in situations such as these is that you make an effort to "de-escalate" the situation with communication tactics such as the one I mentioned above. If it does turn physical, resort to physical response options such as simple joint locks to take the person to the ground and hold him there... OR, in more vigorous encounters, motor point strikes can be used to temporarily interrupt the persons ability to physically continue his actions. Make sense? I hope that's helpful and might give you some options for your next beer dance with a polluted party pal! OK Joe... thats about all I can think of to tell ya... Hopefully you and your brother are still on speaking terms ;-) Take care, train smart and stay safe.... Randy

Does Our Story Have a Happy Ending? You be the judge:

Hello Randy. As a follow up to the story, my brother has no recollection of the event whatsoever and as a result, felt no remorse about the whole thing. In fact, he was angry about it, but didn't feel responsible. What can ya do? Joe

Got Anything To Add?...

OK... your "assignment" for this newsletter is a simple one... Tell me anything you want! Any thoughts, Ideas, Concerns, Questions that come to mind?.... If so, slap them down in the box below and send them my way. If not then don't!... Thanks for reading.

Self-Defense Thought Box

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Note: I am in the process on writing a manual of Self-Defense Response Options. Your feedback will be helpful in directing the content and structure of that resource so that it answers your questions and concerns.

Final Thoughts About Brawling With A "Beered-up Buddy"

You Need A Ballistic Backup Plan!... Let me share a little "secret" with you about "down grading self-defense efforts." Perhaps this topic merits a separate newsletter but I'll throw it at you for your consideration... There are two broad categories of combative response options: Subject Control and Self-Defense. Subject control is a system of overcoming resistive or aggressive behiavior with the lowest likelihood of injuring the person you are trying to bring under control. Self-Defense tactics are designed to respond to threatening situations where there is an effort to injure you or someone else. In these cases, avoiding subject injury is not a high priority. If someone is going to get injured it's going to be the bad guy... NOT YOU. The key to attempting lower level control tactics is the knowledge that you have the high-level skills to fall back on if the situation deteriorates. Your top priority should be to stay safe first... worry about control second. That means you need a solid foundation of defensive skills to "fight your way out" of the situation if lower-level subject control efforts fail or cause the situation to escalate. In my opinion "ballistic impact strategies" are square one in building the confidence and ability you need to protect yourself and control someone without injuring them. In other words, if you know you can fight your way out of a situation if it backfires and the shit hits the fan, you are more composed and likely to attempt lower level control efforts that are less likely to injure the person your dealing with. Make sense? Thats one of the reasons I wrote the "Toughen Up Guide to Power Punching." It is a sixty page, instructional manual that teaches you not only how to punch but how to incorporate ongoing punching practice to develop fitness, self-confidence and a solid foundation of "ballistic back up skills." CLICK HERE to get yourself a copy